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Arrowen's ceremony was last Saturday. Gregor and I went to the temple to give alms to the monks in the morning. We made a vegetable stir fry for the monks, along with some other food. They did some prayers and chanting. The chanting is really soothing. Also during this morning ceremony, attended by G and I and Niki and her wat specialist friend named "Wat" (and have been very helpful in helping us make arrangements for her ceremonies-Thank you!- taxi and restaurant Thai are not too functional in the temple/religious realms), we burned a piece of paper with Arrowen's name written in Thai. After the paper had burned Gregor and I poured water in the same bowl. We then went out of the room and poured the water under a Bodhi tree and said a prayer for Arrowen.
Back at the Wat around 7Pm to set up for Arrowen's funeral ceremony. Wat Phasee (or Pasri, or Pasee, or..) is wooden and more traditional looking. There is a particular order to the ceremony, most of which we had the gist of, but sometimes the rules change last minute. My work colleague, Supatra (Thank you), helped out with translation. We first said a prayer for Arrowen in front of the Buddha. On the tables by the monks we had a picture of her, her remains, some flowers, a candle, and an incense (in the pic, the candle and incense weren't placed yet). The monks came out and wrapped white string around her picture and the candle and then passed the spool down for each monk to hold a piece of. The Abbot then said a prayer that we were supposed to repeat. New news to us. We did our best in repeating. The prayer is in Pali, not Thai. After the prayers, the monks started chanting. They chanted for about 10 minutes. We then gave them an offering in the form of what I call a "monket". It is orange bucket filled with supplies to monks- razors, a robe, dried goods, fish paste. We also presented them with bouquets and a donation to the wat. The monks then left the temple room. Gregor and I had again burned a paper with her name and poured water in the bowl. We went to the bodhi tree again and said a prayer for her.
When we came back I went back to her altar and sat there with Niki and Wat. We looked at her picture- Arrowen's version of the Mona Lisa. She has many different looks in the picture. It is the same one of her and Gregor on the bed- posted on the website, but Gregor cropped himself out for the portrait. I talked a bit about her. We stayed in her ceremonial space for a while. We then rejoined the rest of our friends. Some joined us further at a cheesy Bohemian pub where the notion of wake was in full force.
There is not much peace I take from having her funeral. There is no solace in burying your children. That sorrow expressed, I wouldn't change a moment of the brief time I had with each child. Even though their absences tear me apart and I feel ripped off by getting to spend so little time with them, I am honored I got to be their parents, and I suppose that is timeless.
I am thankful for all the support we have had around us, from near and abroad. And thank you to those who shared in Arrowen's ceremony.